Fiery Cock Trouble

Don't let the gorgeous fiery red color fool you, my new Cock is one mean bastard! My neighbor gave me his Cock because he had the misfortune of having two. With only 10 chickens, his Roosters were constantly fighting for Cock supremacy.

My chicken pen had been very peaceful with 11 hens. Now, they are constantly pecked by the new Rooster. I feel bad for them when I see them running around the chicken pen avoiding this beast.

Last night, I had to pop the Rooster on the head three times for being a bully. My hens are only half his size. While they are sitting together in the roost to brave the chilly night, the Rooster takes pleasure in giving them each a hard peck. This makes them squawk and fly out the roost.

I was mad, so I put the Rooster on top the henhouse roof. I stayed there until his feathery ass knew he wasn't going back in the roost. He got the message, because he stayed there alone all night. I felt guilty because it surely must have been cold for him, but I had to show the Rooster who was really BOSS.

Kelly Stern is THE Winner!

Congratulations to Kelly Stern and his partner Jeff for pulling out all stops to win the Jiggy Whoreoff III contest. Right out the gate, Kelly & Jeff's video hogged most of the votes and held on during the entire 24 hours of voting. Way to go guys!

I would like to thank the other participants who joined in making this event special: Jim, Sean, Robert, and CB (who finished a strong second place). We sure bared our souls, let our personalities shine, and brought smiles to the masses. Isn't that what counts the most?

Special thanks also to everyone who voted and commented. I hope you enjoy this type of blog event as much as I do! Thanks everyone for a great time. ;)

JIGGY DANCE WHOREOFF III

Please watch all the videos, then vote for a winner at the bottom of this blogpost. The poll closes at 5pm tomorrow!

Jim's Entry:


Idle Eyes and a Dormy Entry:


Kelly Stern Entry:


Brettcajun's Entry:

Blobby's Blog Entry:


The Mangina Monologues Entry:

Draq Rehearsal

Are you MOFOs working on your Jiggy Dance? The contest will be run TODAY at 5pm on this blog! Here is a short excerpt of me practicing working with a wig, lip synching, and my cool dance moves:

Are you ready?

Are you willing to make the blogworld exciting again? Join me in dusting off the dreary and let's get back to shaking happiness back into the world! I say it is time for another Jiggy Dance Whoreoff competition. Do you think you got the moves? Who is with me?

Do a video and post it on YouTube where it can be embedded on this blog. Send me the link by Sunday, and you can participate in the contest too!

HouTex29 Tournament

Well, I am back from Houston, Texas. From head to toe, I am bruised and beaten up. If you see how much I am limping around, you would think I had been in a bad car accident. Playing seven intense tennis matches in 72 hours will do that to a 39 year old body.

I did have a successful tournament. You can check my run through the tournament here and here. I won two Finalist trophies (Singles and Doubles). What is a Finalist trophy? That is a trophy given to an individual making it to the Championship game, but not winning.

I was very close to winning both championship games, until an untimely pulled calf muscle rendered me unable to run. Even after an injury timeout and lots of icing, I could barely move in any direction without extreme pain. Rather than withdrawing due to injury, I played out my matches to give my opponents the satisfication of playing and winning a Championship match.

As for the others... E.Shrew won the Consolation Tournament after both he and Whipping Boy were ousted in the first round. I did have the pleasure of knocking out E.Shrew in Doubles on Friday (EVIL GRIN). The "Devil" did very well in a higher division, but he ultimately lost to a very talented player.

I would like to say thanks to my doubles partner Chip, who didn't get upset when I was unable to move well yesterday. Special thanks to Coach Tim for being such a wonderful host to me over the weekend. He is the one that took the great photos you see posted here.

When Friends Become Prey:

Once upon a time, a group of individuals engaged in friendly tennis play. Sure, there were bad line calls, diva-like temper tantrums and lots of megalomania. If you were to witness the flurry of text messages flying around, you would think we were all part of the U.N. Security Council.

Welcome to my world where the drama often swirls thicker than molasses. It's a cutthroat world filled with characters such as: "the Devil", "Whipping Boy", "the Bully", and "Evil Shrew".

Peace always held us warring factions together until one fateful day. In a historic tennis match, Whipping Boy and I drop kicked the Devil and his partner in three straight sets. It was a game marred by foes being hit with the ball, poor sportsmanship, and lots of smirking. The repercussions were so bad, that it splintered the tennis group for six months.

Since that time, I have personally had a falling out with BOTH Whipping Boy and E.Shrew over various misunderstandings and perceived slights. I could go into the intricate details, but I'll spare you the drama.

The HouTex 29 starts this Friday, November 6th. Rather than play in a higher division where I have found limited success, I chose to play in the same division as Whipping Boy and E.Shrew. Satisfaction can't get any better than winning the same trophy your rivals are desperately fighting for. SMIRK!

Fate has seen to it that Whipping Boy and I were placed on opposite ends of the singles draw. If we were to meet in the Championship game on Sunday, it will be HIGH DRAMA because our last two matches have been very contentious.

Adding to this weekend's drama is that I must play against my Ex (Evil Shrew) in doubles on Friday. One team will advance to the semi-finals, while the other team is abruptly eliminated. OUCH!

With bragging rights on the line, stay tuned for all the tears and fireworks...

My Halloween Costume

I played Doctor with this woofy patient on Saturday. Needless to say, Halloween weekend in New Orleans was loads of fun. Special thanks to Rusty and Al for hosting me at the "Frat House". I always smile when I am around them and the crew. Thanks for including me during the Halloween festivities. It means a lot! ;)

Blogger Paparazzi

Durban Bud has a NEW commercial endorsement! First he hawked poppers for G Books, now comes this:

When Durban Bud is not endorsing Vagosene, he is earning street cred by being a potty mouthed rapper:

This photo was found in the Metro Weekly. It totally explains the long pauses between blog posts. TJ moonlights in seedy DC nightclubs as a dirty rap singer!

A mutual friend told me he even has a little ditty about ME! It goes... "Brett Brett Bobbafett. You make this fat girl wet!" Guuuurl... it's time to get yo fat ass back to Results the Gym and come up with better rhymes. Sho nuff!

Halloween Posse

Does your face ever hurt from smiling too much? Mine sure does... especially when I am hanging with my posse.

What's my posse? Let's just say there is this eccentric group of very interesting individuals I love to hang with. That's the best way I can put it. Sure, they relentlessly call me "midget"... but God I love 'em!

There is Crusty, Ape, some Bama boys, that cockblocker Matt Gee just to name a few. There are others who are unique and special in their own way. Todbear only wears either a solid blue or black shirt. His partner Kirtboo always has an interesting story to tell. Then there is that borg couple often referred to as "the Franks".

We'll be spending LOTS of time together (most under the same roof) this Halloween weekend. Throw in other electric personalities who will be present, and this holiday promises to be one for the books!

When will I be loved?

I've been cheated
Been mistreated
When will I be loved?

I've been pushed down
I've been pushed round
When will I be loved?

I feel like a Linda Ronstadt song. As you can tell, I have been very bitchy lately. Why? I dunno. It has nothing to do with needing to get laid, losing in tennis, or becoming Kirstie Alley.

All I know is that I am hoping for someone special to come into my life. Since I get accused of running my blog as a dating service, I might as well give it a try!

I have so much love to give. I am ready for a relationship. The only caveat... I will no longer settle. I deserve a good man with his shit together.

What kind of man do I want? I'll spell it out for you. It would be nice to have a partner who appreciates sports. As an LSU season ticket holder, it makes me cringe to hear someone say "Oh... I'm gay honey! I don't like sportsss... where'sss my Cosssmo?" Ugh. TOTAL TURNOFF.

If you are not athletic, you must at least be willing to workout together. Squishy arms and a flabby ass is not appealing to me. (i.e., your ass shouldn't make a wave when drilled) If you get to play with a hard body, shouldn't I?

Let's talk about pets. I love animals. My dogs are my children. They sleep in the bed with me every night. Someone would have to accept sleeping with two furry Daschunds. Nothing makes me happier than waking up with those I love. Sharing a bed together is a strong bond that is important to me.

And lastly, I would like to be with someone who will appreciate me for who I am. I can read your thoughts -- "Oh... I wouldn't touch you with a 10 ft pole... you are too high maintenance!" Yes, I am Cajun and a Gemini. There is no hope of changing me or my quirky nature.

You have to realize that I have overcome so much adversity in life. If you see sheer madness, there is a reason. You have no idea about the struggles I have conquered. That's why you'll often find me smiling. My life gets better and better with every passing day. Don't hate my happiness -- appreciate it.

PS - facial hair, a furry body, employment, horndog ways and versatility are extra perks that would get my attention.

Is there anyone out there willing to take up the challenge?

Queen on the Move:

The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him.
- Sun Tzu

The art of war is much like a game of chess. There are many moving pieces. Word to the wise: don't pick a fight with a Queen.

As the most powerful piece on the board, the Queen is quite diabolical. With her long range and abilitity to move in any direction, the Queen strikes with a vengeance.

Especially if she is one pissed off mega bitch... like me.