Friday, December 12, 2014

THE Controlling Psycho:

As in the Star Wars Universe, relationships are like battlefields, with danger lurking around every corner. To be successful, you must carefully navigate a landscape littered with minefields and hope you are strengthened by the alliance. Choose wisely, because happiness depends on how well you vet a future partner.

What I have learned is to trust instincts and put away any Hollywood notions of finding the perfect love. Useful questions: (1) What do I get out of the relationship? (2) What do they get out of the relationship? (3) How do we prefer to run our lives? (4) Are there any habits and past or present issues which will prevent us from being suitable/viable partners?   

A quirky thing about myself is that I was raised by a loving family that is as traditional as a family can be. My parents have been married for over 50 years. Everyone, except for me, currently live on the same land that my great grandfather once did. I come from a traditional environment, which has instilled a set of values I hold dear.

Which is why I tend to attract the opposite (JIMBO)
What I have learned the hard way is that no good comes from a marriage of unequals. If they don't share your core values, the relationship will eventually bite the dust. I am fully confident that there is nothing inherently wrong with me as a partner. Rather, it's more to do with them and how they choose to manage their life.

While I find comfort in stability and routine, some revel in chaos and chance encounters. They stay perpetually thirsty always chasing down unresolved deep-seeded need(s) from their past. Sorry, but jumping through wormholes half-crocked with a blurred sense of reality is not my preferred state of mind.

I wish I could let myself go, like Jimbo, and be an obese trailer park slut on Jerry Springer waiting for paternity tests, but I just can't. I am exactly what I want to be: a decent and good person. I'd like to thank my family for instilling those values.

 Not bad for a 44 year old, eh?

In conclusion, all of us conduct our lives in a way that best suites us.  I feel that I have already WON in life, being exactly where I want to be. If someone cannot fit into it, then they have their own demons to pursue. Keep looking and good luck!

Monday, November 17, 2014

Lumbersexual:

I'm sporting flannel nowadays because It's been very cold down here in Louisiana. Do I look like a Lesbian? I hope all my dear friends everywhere are keeping warm too. It's going to be a cold winter. Bundle up!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Muscle Bear Tennis:


Lordy... as much as I fight NOT be Jimbo's type, I need to embrace my musclebearishness. When you look FAT in 99% of the pics, there is no conspiracy by a trusty picture taking assistant. I... AM... FAT. #groan

PROOF:



At the HouTex tennis tournament, I flopped out in the Quarterfinals in singles and doubles. I won two matches with my favorite heavier racquet on the first day, but chose to go with a lighter racquet on the next day. Unfortunately, that was not a good decision because I made way too many errors hitting long. I felt bad that I could not play better for my doubles partner, Rod. NEXT TIME! I have vowed to work on arm strength AND play more with the lighter racquet going forward.


Even though I am NOT the typical smooth / tall / thin tennis player, I was surprised by the attention I got at the HouTex tourney. I don't really take compliments well because I am accustomed to being torn down by others. It was nice to experience kindness from others. Gives me something to ponder... 

The Houston weekend wasn't all tennis. I had the pleasure of spending time with new and old friends. The opportunity to socialize with special people in my life made me feel very appreciative. Hmm... maybe I should get out the house more often.  :)

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Onto Singlehood:

You may have heard the rumors. It is true: I am back in the state of singlehood. The relationship with Mean Cub was a conundrum that could not be solved. For whatever reasons, we could not make it work. Hence, we have been living as roommates for quite some time.

Going forward, I am doing a lot of self-analyzing. What can I bring to the table? I am financially secure, loyal and passionate. I play a sport, tennis, that keeps me in great shape and provides an outlet to be social with others. I am family-oriented and believe in the importance of holidays with family. I have been told by others that I am a damned good lover. I don't smoke, do drugs, and my annual alcohol consumption may be 10 Bud Lites.

One could present an argument that I am too set in a routine (boring). In my defense, I am currently grounded from traveling extensively because I have two old dogs who make me feel REALLY guilty boarding them. Taking my dogs on trips can be problematic because they are co-dependent. Guests at pet friendly hotels would hear a very sad "Tale of Woe" sung loudly anytime I'd leave the room.

What I try, and obviously fail at, is being someone's Champion. As much as I'd like to, I cannot solve or fix everything that gets in the way of someone's happiness. I can create short-term happy events, but I am no Savior. I can provide support and do my best to make a partner's life easier, but I have learned that one's happiness is ultimately in their own hands.

It comes down to this. Through luck and choices I consciously make, I am able to live comfortably in a routine that serves me well. The life I have chosen is very stable. I would think such stability would be looked upon as an admirable trait in a partner.

On the other hand, I may not have enough PIZAZZ to make others happy. This is an area I have thought long and hard about. Perhaps I do take my health and well-being far too seriously. Maybe I should let my hair down and try new things. Be more adventurous!

So, what can you bring to the table?

Monday, October 27, 2014

Change in the Air:


This weekend was a refreshing change: I had a pretty busy itinerary! After doing the usual morning tennis on Saturday with my friend Mike, I brought the rugrats to the family's fishing camp for a great BBQ outing. As always, Boudreaux and Pierre were on their best behavior. My family was amazed how regimented they were standing by me at all times. They are not wild... but they ARE co-dependent. LOL.


Pierre enjoyed the change of scenery too!

On Saturday night, I made the first trip to George's in Baton Rouge in like two years. The bar was full of LSU fans cheering on the Tigers. I had a beer, then joined friends for a scary good time at one of the best haunted houses in the country, The 13th Gate. Thankfully, we paid a little more money for VIP tickets and were able to skip a long line of 300 something teenagers. Afterwards, I went back to Georges and had a few more beers just in time to watch LSU upset #3 ranked Ole Miss. :)


On Sunday, I ventured down to New Orleans enjoying fun times with good company and treating our taste buds to chicken and Andouille gumbo and crème brûlée gelato. It was a perfect time to walk around the French Quarter, as the weather was absolutely gorgeous.

Do you want to see something tickle your funny bone? This is a NSFW video of a distraught Ole Miss fan cursing after her team lost in the closing seconds. She REALLY hates LSU. The video is HILARIOUS! Enjoy. :)

Monday, October 20, 2014

Too Old for This:

Argh. Tennis tournaments are fun, right? Not when you are 44 years old and are asked to play up to 3 matches a day with barely 30 minutes of rest between each match. My feet, Achilles heels, calf muscles, knees and shoulders sure took a beating this weekend.


I played well and was not outclassed in any of the singles or doubles matches. Unfortunately, I did not WIN any trophies. My body and brain could not carry me to victory.  A couple of friends watched me play and both observed that while I have nice natural tennis movement and skills on the court, I lose focus when I am too much "IN MY OWN HEAD".

Hello... tennis is a very mental game. Not only do we have to deal with weather conditions, injuries, and opponents who are sometimes dubious in their line calls or knowledge of rules, we have to deal with our own mental state. I don't care how physically fit you are, when fatigue sets in... you are going to make mistakes. The trick is to overcome your bad shots and will your confidence back no matter what the score is.


I was fortunate to have a great doubles partner named Mark. We lost in the B Consolation Finals, but turned in admirable play together. IF ONLY we could have both played full strength, but that's the nature of tournaments. Survival of the fittest and best able to maintain mental focus WINS. I am also very thankful for my assistant who helped me tremendously this weekend.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Darth Tennis Gawd:

Tirelessly, I prepare for the upcoming Fleur-De-Lis tennis tournament in New Orleans. I have less than three weeks to get my game and physical conditioning in top order. Finding the right amount of practice against good competition while minimizing injury is a tricky balancing act for this 44 year old.


I am also walking my 13 year old, Jean Pierre, more than ever. He has always been chunky and I have been way too lax in letting him stay that way. So, walks in the park will be a daily endeavor from now on.
I even took him along to supervise my tennis team last Thursday. As Team Captain, Daddy is responsible for fielding the most competitive team week in and week out. Jean Pierre watched intently as we critiqued every player in the lineup. 

Someone commented that he looks like Dick Cheney. LOL. My baby is way too sweet to be him! He's my cuddly little teddy bear.  

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

LIVING IN PURGATORY:

Long have I held this suspicion, but the evidence is so overwhelming I can now verify it. I am LIVING IN PURGATORY. I have to be. People I meet are fundamentally crazy and quite capable of pissing me off just by breathing. Yeah. :( !!!

Take my roommate, Mean Cub. He is acting stranger by the day. As a gay man, one would assume a request to help measure for curtains and pick out drapes would light his honey pot. He muttered something unintelligible, ate dinner, and abruptly retired to his bedroom. Upon closer inspection, I discovered his more pressing matter was watching the latest episode of "Dallas" and some history channel program chronicling the crucifixion of Jesus. Tomorrow will be groundhog day and onto something else.


Can we talk about Twinks? (whispering) They actually think Beyonce is THE Queen. Yes, she looks good and dances well... but what memorable hit song has come from her lately? NONE. Beyonce's songs are all throwaways... never to be remembered in 5, 10, or 20 years. Madonna is OUR QUEEN stupid bitches!

And when did we become a society plagued by overt opportunists?  Not too long ago, a person hit on me. He stated that he was NOT easy and never puts out on the first date. They angled for me to take them to a nice restaurant. Oh... and they ALWAYS order a nice bottle of wine. Ahem. IF I want to treat you to a nice dinner and a bottle of wine, it will be MY decision. Not yours... prostitute.

Speaking of prostitutes, look at some of the gays who are getting married. Apparently, marriage is the act of legally binding yourself to another human being so you can have access to their credit line, get lots of "awwww's", and a facade of prestige in the community. Never mind the best man is the one you are fucking. Can you at least NOT trick with others a month before and after you get married? Will it absolutely kill you to have some semblance of morals and not make a mockery of marriage for those of us who do? TRUST ME... your "I LOVE MY HUSBAND!" status updates look fake and your marriage one big sham concocted for attention. Yay, gay rights. :(

One more thing. It has come to my attention that all the gym and tennis check-ins I do on FB is a major turn-off.  I typically brush off such criticisms by considering the source. You know, the ones who ALWAYS post pics of themselves with a drink in their hand or checking-in at bars.

The person wagging their finger caught me at the wrong time. I wouldn't say I went holier-than-thou on them, but I didn't mince words either. If you are truly tired of being SQUISHY, then perhaps you should frequent gyms more and bars less! The sad thing is that they used to have a nice body, but their boozy lifestyle made their weight balloon up 50 #'s once they reached the age of 30.

I texted them pics of what a 44 year old looks like who rarely drinks and checks-in to gyms and tennis courts:



Okay, I'm not Jimbo. I'm done bitching. Hallelujah!

This past weekend, I did find ONE DAY to drive down to New Orleans and experience Southern Decadence. I was pleasantly surprised that it was not overly crowded as in past years. I am chalking that up to getting into the city in the morning and getting out at a decent hour. It was nice to hangout with some familiar friendly faces and see my bud Chris again for the first time in 10 years. See, I can be social and pretend to like people...  in small doses. ;)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Happenings and Whatnots:






















The Mixed League is in full swing. Lisa and I are doing well, only losing ONE match thus far. That unfortunate happening occurred on the same day I flew back from Las Vegas and when she got back from a seven day cruise. I am blaming it on being trip lagged. Since then, we are squeaking by with exhilarating wins. We tell each other that subconsciously we must want to burn more calories playing third set tie-breakers!























A few weeks ago, I attended my very first Baton Rouge Pride festival. It was nice as it was in a big air-conditioned atrium. I bumped into many friends who I hadn't seen in a while and got to catch up. I also had the privilege watching the lovely Austin Babtist Women peform their gospel skit. It was fun and hilarious! :) There were religious idiots protesting the event outside, including the ringleader who was arrested a couple years ago masterbating in a public park. He held up some sign about Homosexuality being a perversion. Yet, he likes to jerkoff in a public park? Mmmkay!



In other news, I finally turned a rarely used third bedroom into an entertainment extravaganza! I purchased the XBox One, a LG 50" 240hz LED TV, and a 300w sound bar with wireless subwoofer. I can now play my nephew Mason in TitanFall, Forza5, and Madden NFL 25. I love jiggy dancing on the Just Dance 2014 game against players around the world.

One app I am also enjoying is Xbox One Fitness. There are a ton of exercise programs ranging from PX90, kickboxing, and poweryoga to ab shredding and butt lifting! LOL. I like how the Kinect shows your silhouette on the screen as the programs track and record your performance and awards you points for doing them correctly! This was me trying it out for the first time before Tony busted me:



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Pouncing Prowess:


Good news for fans... bad news for haters... I'm baaaaack to peak performance! It has taken me a couple months to get back into shape since a shoulder tear, but I have willed myself back to good health. I ballooned up to the heaviest weight of my life at 174#'s. On the tennis courts, I was huffing and puffing feeling tired and exhausted. Quite a few times, you would catch me muttering,  "I am getting too old for this!"

Hallelujah, I am back down to the ideal weight of 165#'s. How did I do it? I ramped up gym workouts and tennis play, cut out all sugary cereals/sodas/milk, focused on eating six small meals a day, continued the goody two-shoe habit of NOT drinking any alcohol, and drinking LOTS of water. Besides helping the physique by getting rid of the "Preggie Look", it's amazing what the increased exercise and nutrition has done for my complexion.

The most dramatic difference can be seen on the tennis courts. Even though summer temperatures have hovered around the mid-nineties with high humidity in Louisiana, I can now play for hours with proper hydration. I am back to being swift on the court with boundless energy. More Sith Lord and less Squish Lord. I feel young again! :) SQUEE.