Tuesday, September 02, 2014

LIVING IN PURGATORY:

Long have I held this suspicion, but the evidence is so overwhelming I can now verify it. I am LIVING IN PURGATORY. I have to be. People I meet are fundamentally crazy and quite capable of pissing me off just by breathing. Yeah. :( !!!

Take my roommate, Mean Cub. He is acting stranger by the day. As a gay man, one would assume a request to help measure for curtains and pick out drapes would light his honey pot. He muttered something unintelligible, ate dinner, and abruptly retired to his bedroom. Upon closer inspection, I discovered his more pressing matter was watching the latest episode of "Dallas" and some history channel program chronicling the crucifixion of Jesus. Tomorrow will be groundhog day and onto something else.


Can we talk about Twinks? (whispering) They actually think Beyonce is THE Queen. Yes, she looks good and dances well... but what memorable hit song has come from her lately? NONE. Beyonce's songs are all throwaways... never to be remembered in 5, 10, or 20 years. Madonna is OUR QUEEN stupid bitches!

And when did we become a society plagued by overt opportunists?  Not too long ago, a person hit on me. He stated that he was NOT easy and never puts out on the first date. They angled for me to take them to a nice restaurant. Oh... and they ALWAYS order a nice bottle of wine. Ahem. IF I want to treat you to a nice dinner and a bottle of wine, it will be MY decision. Not yours... prostitute.

Speaking of prostitutes, look at some of the gays who are getting married. Apparently, marriage is the act of legally binding yourself to another human being so you can have access to their credit line, get lots of "awwww's", and a facade of prestige in the community. Never mind the best man is the one you are fucking. Can you at least NOT trick with others a month before and after you get married? Will it absolutely kill you to have some semblance of morals and not make a mockery of marriage for those of us who do? TRUST ME... your "I LOVE MY HUSBAND!" status updates look fake and your marriage one big sham concocted for attention. Yay, gay rights. :(

One more thing. It has come to my attention that all the gym and tennis check-ins I do on FB is a major turn-off.  I typically brush off such criticisms by considering the source. You know, the ones who ALWAYS post pics of themselves with a drink in their hand or checking-in at bars.

The person wagging their finger caught me at the wrong time. I wouldn't say I went holier-than-thou on them, but I didn't mince words either. If you are truly tired of being SQUISHY, then perhaps you should frequent gyms more and bars less! The sad thing is that they used to have a nice body, but their boozy lifestyle made their weight balloon up 50 #'s once they reached the age of 30.

I texted them pics of what a 44 year old looks like who rarely drinks and checks-in to gyms and tennis courts:



Okay, I'm not Jimbo. I'm done bitching. Hallelujah!

This past weekend, I did find ONE DAY to drive down to New Orleans and experience Southern Decadence. I was pleasantly surprised that it was not overly crowded as in past years. I am chalking that up to getting into the city in the morning and getting out at a decent hour. It was nice to hangout with some familiar friendly faces and see my bud Chris again for the first time in 10 years. See, I can be social and pretend to like people...  in small doses. ;)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Happenings and Whatnots:






















The Mixed League is in full swing. Lisa and I are doing well, only losing ONE match thus far. That unfortunate happening occurred on the same day I flew back from Las Vegas and when she got back from a seven day cruise. I am blaming it on being trip lagged. Since then, we are squeaking by with exhilarating wins. We tell each other that subconsciously we must want to burn more calories playing third set tie-breakers!























A few weeks ago, I attended my very first Baton Rouge Pride festival. It was nice as it was in a big air-conditioned atrium. I bumped into many friends who I hadn't seen in a while and got to catch up. I also had the privilege watching the lovely Austin Babtist Women peform their gospel skit. It was fun and hilarious! :) There were religious idiots protesting the event outside, including the ringleader who was arrested a couple years ago masterbating in a public park. He held up some sign about Homosexuality being a perversion. Yet, he likes to jerkoff in a public park? Mmmkay!



In other news, I finally turned a rarely used third bedroom into an entertainment extravaganza! I purchased the XBox One, a LG 50" 240hz LED TV, and a 300w sound bar with wireless subwoofer. I can now play my nephew Mason in TitanFall, Forza5, and Madden NFL 25. I love jiggy dancing on the Just Dance 2014 game against players around the world.

One app I am also enjoying is Xbox One Fitness. There are a ton of exercise programs ranging from PX90, kickboxing, and poweryoga to ab shredding and butt lifting! LOL. I like how the Kinect shows your silhouette on the screen as the programs track and record your performance and awards you points for doing them correctly! This was me trying it out for the first time before Tony busted me:



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Pouncing Prowess:


Good news for fans... bad news for haters... I'm baaaaack to peak performance! It has taken me a couple months to get back into shape since a shoulder tear, but I have willed myself back to good health. I ballooned up to the heaviest weight of my life at 174#'s. On the tennis courts, I was huffing and puffing feeling tired and exhausted. Quite a few times, you would catch me muttering,  "I am getting too old for this!"

Hallelujah, I am back down to the ideal weight of 165#'s. How did I do it? I ramped up gym workouts and tennis play, cut out all sugary cereals/sodas/milk, focused on eating six small meals a day, continued the goody two-shoe habit of NOT drinking any alcohol, and drinking LOTS of water. Besides helping the physique by getting rid of the "Preggie Look", it's amazing what the increased exercise and nutrition has done for my complexion.

The most dramatic difference can be seen on the tennis courts. Even though summer temperatures have hovered around the mid-nineties with high humidity in Louisiana, I can now play for hours with proper hydration. I am back to being swift on the court with boundless energy. More Sith Lord and less Squish Lord. I feel young again! :) SQUEE. 

Friday, June 20, 2014

Leaving Las Vegas:


We are all back from Las Vegas. I am the one who proposed the trip, so it was on my head whether it would be a worthwhile vacation. I picked the city because it is vibrant and an excellent people watching city. Las Vegas is like New Orleans... filled with LOTS of life and sights to see.

Here were my travel companions: Tony (left), Bart twin (center), and his girlfriend Cyndi (right):


During the four days (a perfect amount of time to visit Las Vegas), I was able to go on fun excursions by myself, some with Tony, and others with all of us in a group. I think we balanced it well enough to where everyone had personal space, one-on-one times, and  group time. I have friends who live in Las Vegas, so I was also able to spend some quality time with them. (Travis, Ronnie, Wence, and Evan)

While my brother and Cyndi were going to a show every night, Tony and I only saw Zarkana at the Aria. The singing, riveting visuals, and acrobatic feats were a pleasure to watch. One particular part between two shirtless male acrobats made me think of it as a thumbs up to gay marriage. It was touching. :)


The only annoying thing about Las Vegas is walking thru the casinos and the strip on weekends. My brother and I correctly deduced that women and families who brought small children were very slow walkers and made walks stressful for those of us who prefer to speed walk while the temperatures were hovering almost around triple digits.



For Bart and I's 44th birthday, Tony and Cyndi treated us to a delicious dining experience at Giada's. Las Vegas's newest HOT restaurant. While I loved the food, my A.D.D. could not stand another moment of the 2 1/2 hour dining experience. I retreated to my phone as I could not listen to another over-the-top presentation (salesmanship) by our waiter. I prefer a much more relaxing dining experience, but I felt like we were trapped in a time-share presentation as everything seemed geared towards up-selling us into spending more money on "sparkling water", exotic drinks, or iced tea that was percolated right there on your table with three separate glass containers.  In the end, our bill was $343 for four people... not including tip. Don't get me wrong, the food at Giada's is delicious. The presentation and salesmanship was a bit of a turn-off. :(

Here is a pic of Tony and I after eating at Giadas. My brother was supposed to take a pic of her picture in the background, but he screwed up. LOL.


So, I am back home in Louisiana. Las Vegas was entertaining and I am glad I went. Be forewarned, it is a very expensive city for drinks, food, nice hotels, and gambling. At the Cosmopolitan, it will set you back $5 for a bottle of water and $18 for a alcoholic beverage. Just getting two crepes with a plastic bottle of coke and sprite was $34 at the Vdara. The slots are super tight. I didn't notice anyone winning. The comps were extremely stingy, but I guess the resorts have higher priorities like servicing their high debt loads. If you are a straight male, you'll enjoy that all the women dress super slutty at night to go to the various clubs. Maybe they were hookers... hmm... something you never know in Las Vegas. :)

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Blogger Schadenfreude:

You may find this hard to believe from my sunny disposition and youthful appearance, but I'll be TWICE AS OLD as Taylor Swift on June 15th... . :'( SNIFF. Hell, I can't believe it either! I don't even possess HALF the rage, bitterness, or grumpy orneriness of Jimbo. How can I be older and turning "44"???

Argh. To deal with this most unfortunate and depressing day, I am taking Mean Cub, my twin-brother, and his girlfriend to Las Vegas on Thursday where we will look for HAPPINESS and the meaning of life in Sin City for five glorious days. The highlight of the trip will be going to Las Vegas's hottest new restaurant GIADA

I do have friends who live in Las Vegas, so Mean Cub and I will be able to hangout with local gays off the strip in friendly environs away from clubs catering to douchey patrons. We'll be visiting bars called: Garage and Fun Hog Ranch. The names of these bars sound intriguing indeed! LOL.

So, please think nothing but good thoughts while I am in Las Vegas. I could use some luck and good Karma to make the 44th Birthday one I'll always cherish.

How well do I give Jimbo bitchface? Is it close to his permanent scowl? Tell me! :):

Friday, May 02, 2014

Daddy's Furry Rugrats:

Pierre and Boudreaux were groomed yesterday and now smell super powdery fresh. They are always most adorable when their long hair is shaved off. :)

Unfortunately, they both got ear infections after the grooming. Every five minutes, they shook their ears as if they were propellers on a helicopter. At first, I was like... "have they learned a new form of non-verbal communication with each other?" Dirk! No... their ears were red and bothering them. This went on every five minutes causing me a very restless night of sleep.

At 12:30am, I was able to find an ear rinse and steroid med that was prescribed the last time this happened. It took a little while to work, but thankfully, the helicopter shakes subsided after 12 hours. My furry rugrats are too sweet to be suffering with ear aches! 

Pierre and Boudreaux (on back porch yesterday):

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

On Being Human:

For the last five weeks, I have experienced the frailties of the human condition. A regimented lifestyle of gym workouts and tennis play came to a crashing halt when I injured my right (serving arm) shoulder. The injury occurred after a heavy gym workout and while I was in the midst of three straight nights of tennis. This is not unusual in my weekly grind, but undoubtedly enough to give me sharp pain in the supraspinatus tendon.

I have cut out all heavy workouts and diminished tennis to just once per week. I have done light rehabilitative workouts, taken hot baths with mineral salts, and popped Aleve. My shoulder feels about 80% full strength. I am hoping I'll be good as new in a couple more weeks, because it has been downright depressing gaining weight. Tennis is the main exercise that keeps me fit. Otherwise, I am just a middle-aged forty-three year old with squish. GROAN :(

Thankfully, as always, my dogs and wonderful partner Mean Cub continue to give me daily comfort. Doesn't Pierre look like he has a Hitler mustache in this pic? This is the first time I have ever noticed it! LOL.

Let's hope my shoulder heals up real soon. I have six weeks to lose some belly before I celebrate my 44th birthday for four days (June 12-16th) in Las Vegas with my twin-brother and friends. We are staying at the elegant and smoke-free Vdara and it's gonna be fabulous! :)

So, this is what is going on in my neck of the woods. It's all fun until someone gets hurt. :( 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Easter:

I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend. Mean Cub and I had a splendid day at my cousin's house with great company, good food and intense volleyball matches.

I totally suck at serving in volleyball. I didn't quite have the eye and hand coordination necessary to toss the ball and consistently hit it on the right part of my hand/wrist. It was downright embarrassing! My nephews worked tirelessly with me to hold the ball in one hand and spank it's bottom from underneath with the other hand. I was finally able to get the ball over by imagining I was spanking Jimbo's bottom. My twin brother and I were on opposite teams and we split the games at 2-2, so there was NO "dominant twin" yesterday. :)

Afterwards, Mean Cub and I went down to New Orleans with a pup named Brett, who is becoming a great new friend. He plays awesome tennis too! :) The city of New Orleans was festive with two Easter parades. I had fun hanging with friends Nick and Mike, seeing THE Devil, and bumping into these two from the blogworld:

Furry, sweet, and demure Eric, who ALWAYS seems to be in New Orleans with his burly smiling Husbear on festive weekends:

I also had the pleasure to meet another woofy blogger (former) known as Beau and his super sweet partner:

Of course, there was drama on Easter Sunday. :( Just about every friend had some sort of drama it seems. I loathe drama. Why can't people just smile and go on about their day enjoying time spent with their buds? Probably due to all the booze involved. Argh. :(

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Spring Awakening:


Hallelujah! Jimbo is finally getting laid by the cautious and scrutinizing denizens of DC. How can I tell? Jimbo has obviously "LET IT GO" because we are finally thawing out here in Louisiana. The weather is nice, azalea bushes are about to bloom, and the grass is green! Hooray. Jimbo getting laid affects us all!

Before any Queen screams that my front yard looks boring, I have reasons. In my defense, I am leery of planting trees all over because cable, gas, and electricity lines are all buried in the front yard from one side to the other. Also, I have to research HOA rules about what types of trees are permitted, how many, and whether there are any rules in where they can be planted.

In other news, my dog Boudreaux caused me to get locked out of the house in the backyard yesterday morning. While Pierre did his business and promptly came back to me, Boudreaux was dicking around. Pierre wanted back inside. Without thinking, I let him back in, locked the door, and waited outside with Boudreaux. To my horror, there was NO hidden key and we were locked the EFF OUT. DOH!

Thankfully, I had a cell phone and was able to get a co-worker to pick me up. That meant climbing and jumping over a six foot fence, borrowing a company truck to drive all the way to Baton Rouge to get Mean Cub's house key. :( Stupid little dog.

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Back from Austin, Y'all:


I am back from the longest vacation (5 days) I have taken in years. This was a tennis tournament vacation with two super friendly buds Sean (pictured on Top) and Scotty (second picture). While I did not come home with any trophies, neither did anyone else because the wet weather abruptly stopped the tournament before the semi-finals.

As prepared as I was for this tournament, I was eliminated in singles in the Quarterfinals and Sean and I bombed out in doubles at the hands of an incredibly crafty team. Overall, I am disappointed in my play. I started SLOW every match and played "brain-less". Focus was missing.

My play gave me lots to think about. I could not will myself to play like I know I am capable of.  I had a peculiar habit of only playing well when opponents challenged me aggressively. When left to my own devices of dictating the tempo of the game, I fell flat and looked confused out there. WHY?! UGH!

Well, the best part will always be getting to hang with my buds Sean and Scotty. These are the two sweetest guys you'll ever meet and I am proud to call "friends". They tolerate my quirky man-boy personality. :)