Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Spring Awakening:

Hallelujah! Jimbo is finally getting laid by the cautious and scrutinizing denizens of DC. How can I tell? Jimbo has obviously "LET IT GO" because we are finally thawing out here in Louisiana. The weather is nice, azalea bushes are about to bloom, and the grass is green! Hooray. Jimbo getting laid affects us all!

Before any Queen screams that my front yard looks boring, I have reasons. In my defense, I am leery of planting trees all over because cable, gas, and electricity lines are all buried in the front yard from one side to the other. Also, I have to research HOA rules about what types of trees are permitted, how many, and whether there are any rules in where they can be planted.

In other news, my dog Boudreaux caused me to get locked out of the house in the backyard yesterday morning. While Pierre did his business and promptly came back to me, Boudreaux was dicking around. Pierre wanted back inside. Without thinking, I let him back in, locked the door, and waited outside with Boudreaux. To my horror, there was NO hidden key and we were locked the EFF OUT. DOH!

Thankfully, I had a cell phone and was able to get a co-worker to pick me up. That meant climbing and jumping over a six foot fence, borrowing a company truck to drive all the way to Baton Rouge to get Mean Cub's house key. :( Stupid little dog.

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Back from Austin, Y'all:

I am back from the longest vacation (5 days) I have taken in years. This was a tennis tournament vacation with two super friendly buds Sean (pictured on Top) and Scotty (second picture). While I did not come home with any trophies, neither did anyone else because the wet weather abruptly stopped the tournament before the semi-finals.

As prepared as I was for this tournament, I was eliminated in singles in the Quarterfinals and Sean and I bombed out in doubles at the hands of an incredibly crafty team. Overall, I am disappointed in my play. I started SLOW every match and played "brain-less". Focus was missing.

My play gave me lots to think about. I could not will myself to play like I know I am capable of.  I had a peculiar habit of only playing well when opponents challenged me aggressively. When left to my own devices of dictating the tempo of the game, I fell flat and looked confused out there. WHY?! UGH!

Well, the best part will always be getting to hang with my buds Sean and Scotty. These are the two sweetest guys you'll ever meet and I am proud to call "friends". They tolerate my quirky man-boy personality. :) 

Friday, February 28, 2014

Tennis Tournament - Austin

I am in Austin, TX for the next few days playing in the Hot-12 Tennis Tournament with two good friends.

Today, I escaped with a hard-fought WIN in the second round by besting a quality opponent 7-6,6-3. This is just the first day and I have up to two more doubles matches. 

Don't worry - taking Aleve!

Monday, February 24, 2014

Impulsive Upgrades:

After a seven year old XBOX died over the weekend, I was forced to stop dragging my feet and finally upgrade the electronics in our household as we no longer could view Netflix. BEHOLD the big ass 60" Vizio smart HDTV. We could have made due with a 50" screen size, but this one was on sale for $799 at Best Buy, so we got it. And no, I am not hanging it!
I was most pleased with the wireless Samsung AirTrack speakers and subwoofer for an additional $299 because we can now stream music directly from our iPhones. For the first time in my life, I will have a TV with booming movie quality sound. With utilitarian tendencies, I never cared about that before, but I am glad we got it because the living room is now like a mini-movie theater.

I'll be looking to get the Xbox One next so we'll have a smorgasbord of entertainment options in the living room, master bedroom, and game room. All this modern entertainment technology will help us continue to transition away from bars and into homebodies. :)

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Power of the Dark Side:

Once again, much respect is given to the Universe, as it has proven to have a jolly good sense of humor. Sit down for this: I was asked to be the Team Captain of 19 individuals for the upcoming tennis season. It is a huge honor, as it is typically reserved for individuals who have seniority, known to be reliable and organized, and have the necessary leadership skills to manage a team.

The leadership skills of managing a "TEAM" is the comical cosmic challenge. And don't think the irony is not lost on any of my friends. LOL. Filtering out the noise and distractions of others in a group setting often fills me with distress. I perform much better doing things alone. Give me a mission and I will carry it out like a Sith assassin. It seems like an efficient way to live. Maybe I have grown old and ornery? Or bitter?

Needless to say, the twelve-week season will be an exercise in thinking outside of one's self for the greater good of others. As Team Captain, the #1 goal is guiding minions to deliver weekly asswhoopings to other teams. Doing so requires pairing the right individuals up and making tough lineup decisions, all while balancing team harmony and morale.

Then there is dealing with Court Divas: "Hey! So-and-So has played three matches already and I played only once!" OR "Can you please put me with another doubles partner? XYZ sucks!" Dealing with such bratty and high maintenance individuals will put me in the shoes of every Team Captain I have ever played for. An exercise in humor indeed! :)

To lessen the chances of a coup d'├ętat occurring in the first week, I smartly drafted two good friends and a brother-in-law to shore up a tiny base of support. But there are still 15 other players who will carefully scrutinize every decision I make. Ruh Roh.

Oh Universe, please grant me patience and wisdom to be a good Team Captain. This could either end horribly in epic failure or serve as an invaluable learning experience. I'm rooting for the latter. GULP!

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentines Day:

My heart is SO BIG, I just can't hold it inside this tiny body anymore! I would like to wish ALL my family, the one or two friends who actually like me, my pups Boudreaux and Pierre, the jeering peanut gallery, the slutty, the whorey, the Mean Girls, the Debbie Downers, the meatheads, the Mamas Boys, the cornfed, Mean Cub, and cuddle buddy Jimbo a Happy Valentines Day. Muaah! Nip Tugs. Fanny Pat. 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Coven House:

In the New Orleans Garden District, between St. Charles Ave. and Magazine Street, resides The Coven House from American Horror Story. It is a beautiful mansion that is much bigger in real life than I imagined. If you drive along Jackson Ave, you'll find it.

Friday, January 31, 2014

FINALLY: Relief from Cold

I am very thankful for getting a reprieve from the biting cold weather that has plagued much of the country. Mean Cub and I braved it by running water at night so water pipes wouldn't freeze, watching lots of TV bundled up with our pups, and cooking.
The chicken gumbo Mean Cub cooked was especially delicious:

As for me, I am gearing up for the Heart of Texas Classic 12 (HOT12). I have to get into prime shape and prepare for one of the largest tennis tournaments in the country. Running your ass off and swatting balls for 10-12 hours a day is BRUTAL on the feet and pretty much every square inch of the body.

Thankfully, I have two dear friends flying in from across the country to join me. It's nice to have friends who are just as devoted to the competitive sport of tennis and who are also super sweet drama-free GOOD guys. It'll be a fun weekend testing the limits of stamina and endurance, but we are up for the challenge! :)

So, that is what is going on in this neck of the woods. The FOCUS will be: GYM (strength), Work ($$$), Tennis (lessons and play), Eating right (reduce Squish), and Sleeping (8 hours per night).

No alcohol. No Sonic Drive-Thru.

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Power Nap:

I love taking the time to cuddle with my furry rugrats even for just a 10 minute power nap at lunch. My dogs are over 12 years old and Daddy always makes sure that they feel loved lots every day. :) 

Thursday, January 02, 2014

Behind the 8-Ball:

As an educated man capable of critical thinking, I find most of organized religion to be phooey. Preachers say, "You have to have faith!". Why? Are we supposed to believe everything we are taught in catechism and church just because you say it's so?

I always lean towards skepticism fully aware the human mind is easily manipulated. The history of mankind shows that people are corruptible and operate with agendas: Nazi Germany, Japanese Imperialism, America's War on Terror, Mad Mullah's quest to kill all infidels, The Catholic Church's crusades and inquisitions, etc.

So far, I have yet to meet a talking snake, see Jesus, or solve the riddle of how Mary miraculously gave birth to Jesus magically by the Holy Spirit. I am not afraid to say that much of the Bible reeks of made up bullshit by the Church to acquire 10% of your income so we gullible fools can get into a fictional place called "Heaven".


I cooked a delicious meal of black-eyed peas with rice, ham, and ciabatta bread. Mean Cub announces that he does not eat black-eyed peas. Wait a minute -- I have seen him eat refried beans, black beans, lentils, and red-beans. Can you at least try them??? He refused to even taste ONE PEA, pushing them all to the edge of his plate in disgust. What a dick. I was so furious, I screamed -- "It's tradition to eat black eyed peas for New Years! I guess 2014 will be another year of no prosperity or good health for you!!!"

When it was time for bed, I chose to sleep in another room because the hatred for my partner was burning red hot. He had been a douche all week and not eating what I cooked was the final straw. I tossed and turned all night in anger. "I HATE HIM! HE'S SUCH A LOSER!" 


At approximately 4am on New Years Day, I had what can only be described as an out of body spiritual experience. I was being pulled up stairs and through long hallways. Something that can only be described as the ghost of Christmas Future or perhaps a Guardian Angel was determined to show me something. I was pulled into a medical room where I saw my partner Mean Cub being treated. He was not well, from what I do not know. I cannot forget the look of sadness upon his face, facing an unknown medical condition alone.

I was pulled through the hallway to another room. There was Mean Cub again! Once again looking sad... facing his ailment alone... I was pulled into yet another room and another with the same scene of my partner until I begin to feel empathy. At that moment, anger subsided and feelings were reset. I felt a strong sense what my partner needed the most was support -- not judgement.

The vivid dream shook my foundation. What caused this dream? Was my subconscious or SOMETHING else working hard to change my mindset? Who or what was intervening? I was being made to see things by something that I cannot explain. Makes me go, "Hmm..."

I got up and went back to where my partner was sleeping. I begin to cuddle him and found myself saying, "I'm sorry... sorry for everything!" He replied back, "I'm sorry too." Suddenly I felt these wet-like human emotional thingees fall down my cheeks. I think you people call them "tears"? Soooo....  strange... because I NEVER cry.

Now I am left pondering... what force was at play here? What seized my mind to redirect the anger I felt towards my partner? It's sooooo spooky and I cannot explain it.